you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
