I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
