He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
