So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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