Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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