I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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