I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
