One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
