dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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