There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
