You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
