Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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