so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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