Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
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