i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
