I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
