you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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