Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
