Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
