i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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