i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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