is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
