I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm like, not good at living.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
