even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
did you just send me my own nude
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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