i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
