Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
