Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
