I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
