I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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