like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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