hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
