I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
