Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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