We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
And then he peed in my hair
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