I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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