How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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