i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
