Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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