My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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