I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
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I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
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We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone