9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
