I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
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Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
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Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife