You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
These 21 Declassified Government Horrors Are Unimaginable
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.