Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.