I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
