it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
