singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
