I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Then you guys just all showered together...?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
