I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
