24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
