I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
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So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
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Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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