...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize