Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
