four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
