I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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