I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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