I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
