You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
