so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
