bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
