My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Church boner. Awkwardddd
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
