did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
