The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
