he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
