Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
