Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
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I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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