We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
