this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
