there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Randomize
