i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize