i used baking grease as lip gloss
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize