Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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