with your own penis?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We were destined to go to rehab together
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
