Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
