After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
