well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
